Trust: Are You Like Old Faithful?
#TRUST. The most important aspect of a relationship with others and with yourself. But, how do you learn to trust?
I learned how to trust thirteen years ago. But because for most of my life, the definition guiding me was wrong many of my relationships were built upon cracked foundations.
Trust is the cornerstone of every healthy and successful relationship. Without trust it cannot be nurtured. It cannot grow and thrive. Trust allows for deep intimate connection. Building trust takes time and effort to create lasting and enduring bonds. It’s worth the time and effort for me because I need to feel emotionally secure and rooted in my relationships.
Growing up, I always felt like my relationships were so fragile, ready to crack at any moment. I didn’t understand what it meant to feel grounded and rooted, truly until I was an adult. I knew what I wanted in my life because of what I lacked in it, and now I work to create trust and am careful to choose people whom I can trust.
After my car accident, when I was left without any social support besides my then fifteen year old daughter, I needed to rebuild my foundation from the ground up. I needed to redefine what trust meant to me. If I truly value trust, and I do. I first I need to define it so I can then learn to apply it.
At some point, I became aware that I could not change the people in my life. The ones who caused me hurt, anger and shame. The ones who would promise to help and never showed up. I could change the people I chose to put into my life.
First I learned to trust what I wanted and needed, that was most important. Next, I put trusting people into my life. I began building the life I wanted and deserved, filling it with people who showed up consistently, talked openly and honestly with me, shared their joys and sorrows and were rooted in core values like myself. This process of rebuilding taught me so much about relationships. I learned what “friend” and “family” really meant. I also learned to define “love”, “support”, and “values”. After having learned to put trusting people in my life, I better understood trust. Along the way, I noticed there are four aspects of trust. Let’s look at them.
Four Attributes of Trust
Just as relationships have a firm foundation, which is Trust. Trust has its foundation rooted in principles.
1) Consistency/Reliability: The quality of being trustworthy. The probability that a person will perform in a consistent way over time even when the situation feels uncomfortable.
2) Compassion: This is our emotional response to another persons pain and suffering.
3) Communication: communication needs to happen often, clearly and honestly. Each person needs to be heard and understood-judgmental stance. Productive frequent communication will build trust.
4) Integrity: Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing a consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong ethical and moral principles and values. Without integrity, there will be a lack of trust.
Now that I have a good working definition of trust, I feel secure, safe and genuinely happy. With trust came other lessons like how to assert my boundaries (check out my blog on boundaries) and trusting the process.
Trusting the Process
This comes from a deep belief that life will work out the way it is meant to work out. Believe you will be given all of the experiences you need to succeed.
My friend went see Old Faithful in Yellowstone National Park. He stood there waiting and waiting for Old Faithful to spout. Tempted to walk away because it was 35 degrees, there was something that kept him there, an invisible Universal pull. He knew he would see what he came to see. He trusted the process and relaxed. He didn’t walk away. Old Faithful showed up loud and proud at 24 minutes past the hour the eruption began. He was rewarded with a great experience and wonderful photo op! He had what I call sticktuitiveness. He stuck with it and it served him well.
Journal Time: Grab your notebook and pen
What is your definition of trust?
Who modeled Trust for you? Was it your family member? Friendship Group? What was the message you learned?
Who do you always trust? Why?
With whom do you feel you have a difficult relationship with trust? Why?
How does trust show up in your body? If you say “I trust you” where in your body do you feel it? What do you think this means?
What was your first experience with trusting someone?
What do you remember about learning to trust yourself?
If you could trust one thing about yourself today, what would it be? How would your attitude/emotions/beliefs change just by doing this?
How can we all experience life like this? Thinking of life like Old Faithful.
If you could learn to trust the process of life and let each moment and each day flow without judgment, without trying to change it, fix it or make it better—how different would your life be?
In what ways do you experience sticktuitiveness? Or not? Knowing both are equally important.
What would your day look like? How would you feel? What would be the one biggest change you would notice if you trusted the process?
When I think of trusting the process, before that, I need to do some mindful breathing or a short meditation.
Sitting wherever you are, in the most comfortable space you can be, try to align you spine nice and straight. Maybe relax your shoulders and when you are ready, draw your head up toward the sky.
Maybe close your eyes if you are comfortable doing so.
From this position, breathe in and out from your nose. Perhaps inhaling to the count of four and exhaling to the count of four. Try this for 3 rounds of breathing.
Now, perhaps try extending the exhale by two counts. Inhale to four and exhale to six. Take 3 rounds of breathing.
Notice what arises. Notice any thoughts or emotions. Notice any attachment to the thoughts or emotions. Let it go.
Maybe inhale and say in your mind- “I trust in this moment” on an exhale say in your mind -”I release all that no longer serves me”.
Take another 3 rounds of breathing.
Open eyes.
Notice how you feel. Trust that you received from this practice all you were meant to receive in this moment.
Trusting ourselves and the process of life can sometimes be the most challenging tasks—and the most rewarding. Be like my friend waiting for Old Faithful. Be the faithful witness of your life learning to trust that all you need will come to you. When you feel the desire to move or change, pause. Breathe. Inquire. What am I not trusting? What am I feeling uncomfortable about? Maybe set a timer for 3 minutes or 5 minutes. Trust that your feelings/emotions or whatever situation you are faced with will change and all will serve you.
If this is a topic you would like to explore or you think that coaching may fit into your life, let’s chat! Schedule a complimentary session and we can talk about your needs, goals and desires.
I hope this served you well and look forward to hearing from you.