If you're feeling stuck, it's okay. Now what?
Sometimes we feel stuck and need a nudge—or do we?
Are you feeling stuck? It's okay. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel and be wherever you need to be in this moment.
Look at my cucumber plant (in the picture). I planted it from seeds. One of the plants grew and came up holding its seed buddy. The seed buddy got stuck and wasn’t ready to grow yet. It will never reach its full potential. Something in the planting was just off, for this seed. That happens in life too. Apparently, the plant wasn’t ready to let go. Sometimes we aren’t ready to let go of our feelings or situations. Change is hard. My thoughts vacillated between wanting to give it a nudge to wanting to just let it be. I chose to just let it be. It’s been four days and the plant is still holding on to its seed buddy. I know, there will be a time, very soon when the seed will fall and the plant will thrive. For now, I smile, watching as my garden teaches me valuable life lessons.
Let’s say you are like the seed—stuck! But unlike the seed, you are stuck in a negative emotional cycle of worry and fear. Maybe you lost your job and you don’t have the money to pay your rent, get food, or take care of medical needs. Anyone would feel worry and fear. Maybe you feel sad, scared, or angry. Maybe you cope by retreating to a quiet space alone and not letting others know what is going on. Or maybe you call everyone you know and tell them all about how you were wronged.
Whatever you feel is okay. Feeling is part of being human so be human. Feel your emotions. Get your feelings out. Be heard. Be seen.
The important thing is to try to allow yourself to feel what you need to feel without attaching judgment. The judging makes it worse. The thoughts you have about how you are feeling is you judging your feelings. We judge ourselves and our feelings every day. When you hear words like “shouldn’t”, “couldn’t” “should’ve”, “could’ve” would’ve” these are cues that you are judging. When we judge ourselves and our feelings, we reinforce negative beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” “Nothing good will ever happen for me.”
Feelings are always real and valid. They are what they are. They can even make our bodies feel physical and emotional pain. Judgment causes the suffering and intensifies both the pain and the duration of it. When you notice judgment creeping in, ask yourself “Is there concrete evidence that shows/proves these feelings are justified?” If you are feeling angry because someone doesn’t like you, check the facts. What evidence do you have to prove this is true? Challenge your thoughts. Your feeling may be based on an assumption or interpretation both of which are roadblocks to your happiness or success.
Release the judgment. Just let it go. Allow your feelings to be whatever they will be without judgement.
I know…easier said than done. Practice.
I learned to implement mindfulness practice to help lessen the intensity of my emotions after trauma. It really helped. Thirteen years later, I am still practicing mindfulness. Here is a short mindfulness practice I would like to share.
Non-Attachment Mindfulness Exercise
Start by setting a timer for 3 minutes.
Sit in whatever positions is most comfortable for you.
Begin to close your eyes or soften your gaze toward the floor.
Start with 3 deep breaths. With each inhale consider the word PEACE. With each exhale consider the word RELEASE.
Begin to notice. Notice the air flowing in and out of the nose. Notice the rise and fall of your chest. Notice the sounds around you. Don’t try to tune it out, just notice it.
Begin to notice your mind as it moves from thought to thought. The practice is not to remove the thoughts but to not be attached to them. With compassion, just notice each thought or feeling. Release any attachment to the thought or feeling. Perhaps you imagine sending each thought or feeling on a leaf down a river. Let if flow away from you on its own journey. Or maybe you place the thoughts or feelings in clouds and let them float by. Whatever imagery works for you is right for you.
Notice how your body changes as each thought or feeling comes. Do your shoulders stiffen? Does your jaw tighten? Is there a lump in your throat? Notice.
Before opening your eyes, take 3 deep breaths. Try to feel a sense of gratitude for yourself for having completed this. Maybe try again tomorrow.
Journal Time
How was that? Did you try it?
If you truly want to live a life with joy, you cannot avoid the challenges you are faced with. They are opportunities for growth. When something uncomfortable is happening within you ask yourself some questions. Become curious about what you are feeling and why.
Who are my “tribe” of trusted and loyal people with whom I can share my feelings without being judged?
What patterns are being repeated by me experiencing these feelings/emotions/experience?
What is this feeling, emotion or experience meant to teach me?
Where do I feel this in my body? (does it cause shoulder tension, blockage in your throat, tightening in your jaw)
How does this feeling/emotion trigger something deeper in me?
Action Step: Think about the smallest action you can take toward breaking this cycle. List three micro-steps.
I hope this served you well. If it did, please let me know. I enjoy your feedback, so please feel free to write to me and share any comments, questions or suggestions you may have.